I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
