Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize