Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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