I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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