But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize