HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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