It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
