True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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