WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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