i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
