I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
