toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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