K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
