'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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