I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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