I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize