I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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