Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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