3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
