wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
