at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
