almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
