you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
