9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
