4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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