I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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