I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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