it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
