I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize