my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
