Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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