Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
