Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We named our party play list daddy issues
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
