So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
