Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
