just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
