and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
