even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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