On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
