it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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