I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
