I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
COCAINE IS GR8
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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