Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
