that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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