There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize