Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
