I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
