im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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