some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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