yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
