Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
