They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
