Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
