im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
