the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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