New invention idea: vibrating tampons
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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