You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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