Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
