watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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