I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
