She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
