Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
BRING THE BAGELS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
