I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
