you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
