I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
