Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
