can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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