Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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