That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
