Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
