Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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