i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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