you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
