I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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