I want to stick my p in your. b.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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