If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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