How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
