Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
