so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You made out with two different species that night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
