I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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