shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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