Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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